This is part three in a series which details why I think you can be an effective social media advisor, even if you are not personally on Facebook yourself. In this post, I’m going to briefly discuss some of the personal reasons why I do not engage on Facebook, and why I’m thinking about withdrawing my participation from social media completely. You can read part 1 here, and part 2 here.

Even if you don’t work in a social media or technology-related field, sometimes keeping up with social media can feel like a second full time job. For some, this second job is worth it, but for others, it might not be, and social media use is more a compulsion, something you do out of habit, even when it stops feeling fun. Like smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, or a regular sugar habit, this activity initially delivers feelings of happiness, euphoria or satisfaction, only to devolve into a monkey on the users’ back.

Before I quite Facebook in 2014, this is exactly how it was beginning to feel. I’d check the social network regularly as an escape, in order to alleviate boredom or avoid difficult feelings or social situations. I’d use it to hang on to people, metaphorically speaking, who I couldn’t let go of, and I’d use it to curb existential angst about the meaning of life and my place in the world. It served as a substitute, for me, for meaningful social interaction and for meaningful action in general. Overall, while I haven’t eliminated these negative tendencies from my life just by leaving Facebook, I do think that Facebook exacerbated many of them. I will outline each here.

1. Feeding Escapist Tendencies: There is enough in life to distract me from boredom or other negative emotions. Netflix, the Internet in general, television, radio, work, email, chatting… I could write this list forever. But rather than spend my time escaping negative emotions, psychologists recommend that people learn positive coping mechanisms. Boredom can lead to creativity, sadness or anger asks that we reflect on what bothers us and how to move forward. Why blame Facebook for this, though, when as I mentioned above there are many different ways to escape? I think Facebook maximizes our escapist tendencies, playing to them through constant updates and notifications. Every time you refresh the feed it is possible to see something new – and even if you don’t refresh your feed, your mobile notifications will soon remind you that you’ve missed something. This makes it almost too easy to fall into Facebook as an escapist mechanism. If you already have the tendency to want to find an escape, Facebook is optimized to pull you in. I left Facebook in part because I’m trying to work on moving away from social media in my life generally. Facebook seemed like a great place to start, because of all the additional problems I detailed in my last post.
2. Surveillance and Letting Go: I think we’ve all had the ex we couldn’t get over, or the annoying person from high school, who is part of our Facebook friends list, and who we check in on from time to time for updates. Not only can this be an unhealthy way to maintain negative attachments (or rather it was for me), but it’s also creepy and a form of surveillance. I don’t like it, for example, when I run into an acquaintance who mentions something personal about me that they saw on Facebook, and I don’t think my exes or distant friends would like it very much to think that I’m doing the same thing to them. I left Facebook in this case for two reasons: Firstly, I got tired of people I didn’t want to share things with using my Facebook feed as their entry into my life, and secondly, I didn’t want to be someone who used it this way. I know that I can adjust my privacy settings to account for this, but frankly, navigating the ins and outs of Facebook’s privacy settings can be a lot of work, particularly when with every update there are new changes.
3. Searching for Meaning: Facebook is not a Substitute: Writing my life into being on Facebook feels like it gives me meaning. Commenting on injustice on Facebook feels like I’m doing something about the problem. But neither of these things are true. Writing my life on Facebook does not make it more meaningful, and commenting on the things that I think are wrong in the world does nothing to change those things. Furthermore, when Facebook serves as a substitute for connecting with others, it may in fact diminish the meaning I feel, or the good I am able to do. I left Facebook in this case because working to maintain social connections has brought me closer to the people that I make the effort for. Similarly going out and participating in an action, or writing a letter is a more meaningful way to participate in a cause than a status update on Facebook.
4. Working for the Man: My Psychological Crutch is Not Your Content Farm: As I mentioned above, all of these reasons are personal and particular to me, and may not hold meaning for anyone else. I have my own set of psychological quirks that I deal with daily, and some of them were exacerbated by my participation on Facebook. But since Facebook is optimized to capitalize on the particular social and psychological needs of human beings, it may in fact draw on everyone’s quirks in a slightly different way. Whether this is just me, or whether Facebook has this effect on many people, I don’t know, but what I do know is that I was really tired of using Facebook as a crutch. I don’t want my need for meaning, or my inability to let go, or my desire to escape become fuel that feeds Facebook content machine. In other words, my psychological quirks should not be a source of content that allows a media company to make money. I don’t want to be duped into working a “second” job for no pay, and I was tired of feeling like I needed Facebook, when in reality, Facebook needs us all, or there is no there there.

Facebook stopped providing value to me that outweighed the cost. Being off Facebook forces me to make new choices. They’re not always good choices, but I’ve begun to become more reflexive about my social media use in general. Given where these media are going, I may leave other platforms as well. When something does not add value to your life, what’s the point in holding on to it?